In Buddhism, love is not an object you stumble upon, clutch tightly, and fear losing. It is not a trophy for the fortunate, nor a prize for the deserving. Love is metta—loving kindness—an essence already present within every living being, though often buried beneath layers of fear, desire, and misunderstanding.
When the Buddha spoke of love, he paired it inseparably with compassion. To love someone is not only to feel warmth toward them, but to wish—truly wish—for their freedom from suffering. It is a discipline as much as a feeling, and a practice as much as a gift.
Love Beyond One Shape
The world likes neat boxes: one partner, one story, one ending. But Buddhism does not insist on one singular shape for love. Monogamy, polyamory, or other forms of committed relationship are not judged by their outlines, but by their substance.
What matters is trust, what matters is respect. These are the ground on which love flourishes. Without them, any form of relationship becomes fragile. With them, love becomes a steady force, capable of holding the complexities of life without collapsing under the weight of them.
Do you like what you are reading? Sign up below for more blog posts.
Love, in this sense, is less about possession and more about stewardship: tending to the fragile ground of another’s wellbeing, watching your own steps so as not to trample the roots.
Vows, Choices, and Sacred Rites
For monks and nuns, celibacy is not a casual choice but a vow. During my years as a nun, I understood it not as repression but as discipline—supporting practice by leaving behind the distractions of desire and attachment. It is a path that clears space for awakening.
Now, as a priest, my life is different. Not all lamas conduct weddings, but I have chosen to integrate the Dharma into daily Western life. This is why I hold a marriage license and am authorized to perform weddings and other rites of passage. In these ceremonies, I witness how love can be sanctified not by dogma, but by intention— people standing side by side, promising to meet life’s changes with kindness.
Do you like what you are reading? Sign up below for more blog posts.
Marriage, then, is not ownership, but a vow to practice compassion together. It is a spiritual training ground in its own right, whether blessed in a temple, a garden, or a windswept beach. You can read more about the weddings and other ceremonies that I conduct here.
The Heart of Loving-Kindness
If compassion is the body, loving kindness is the heartbeat. Metta is not sentimental, not sugar-coated. It is steady, fierce, sometimes difficult. It is the willingness to extend care even when the easier option is to turn away.
In Buddhist practice, metta meditation is the cultivation of this quality. We begin with ourselves, because a withered heart cannot give. Then we extend it to those we love, those we struggle with, strangers on the street, and even to those we might call enemies. The practice reshapes us, widening the circle of compassion until it encompasses all beings.
Do you like what you are reading? Sign up below for more blog posts.
And yet, it also returns us to the most intimate relationships we know. To love one person with metta is to love them not with clinging, but with spaciousness. It is to recognize that they are not ours, but themselves—free, luminous, impermanent.
A Buddhist View of Love
A Buddhist view of love is not about formulas or laws. It is not fragile, though it may feel delicate. It is resilient because it is rooted not in control but in compassion.
The question we return to, again and again, is simple: Does this bring harm, or does it nurture freedom? In every form of relationship—whether in partnership, in marriage, or in the vow of celibacy—that question is the compass.
Do you like what you are reading? Sign up below for more blog posts.
To live with love in this way is to walk a path guided by kindness, shaped by compassion, and strengthened by honesty. It is to choose, moment by moment, to make of love not a possession but a practice. And in that practice, we return to what was always there: the quiet, inexhaustible essence of loving kindness itself.
With Metta,
Lama Chimey
Get Dharma Blog Posts straight to your device
Lama Chimey 